I mostly relish my alone time at present, and I find these days I can wind up pretty grumpy if I have been wildly social most days of the week/done a lot of time at work! Alone now holds connotations of not-lonely, and self reliance, and almost serving a definite need for solitude for me.

Definitely hasn't always been the case - when I first took a long break from dating I really struggled with Saturday nights and Sunday nights, partly because those had historically been date nights/together nights in my last relationship and I also felt like there's a social expectation to be doing things/socialising of a Saturday night. Now I'm just like, eh, it's another night, and mine to spend however serves me best, and a good opportunity to check in with myself - do I feel like heading to the gym on a Friday night to enjoy the relative peace and quiet while I work out, do I need some quiet time reading on the couch, do I want to make an evening of it at home with a record on trying out a new recipe. I still find Easter long weekend is a time of year I find hard to spend alone - again, partial hangover from my last relationship when this was a chance for couple-time going out for a nice dinner or cooking in the kitchen. I'm still not great at Easter alone time 3 years on, but I focus hard on spending time with friends and making good new memories that way.

I also think dinner alone, when you're not travelling but hanging out in your home town, or lord! going to a cocktail bar alone for a drink! - can be really hard and make you feel super vulnerable/wanting to hide behind a book, and I honestly haven't learnt to be entirely comfortable with those yet. But I can report I had a sensational two-course meal with wine at a restaurant a few months back where the service was warm, and lovely, and attentive, and made me feel just as special as any of the other diners, so... it gets easier the more I practice :)

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My relationship with alone time is romanticized? My partner of 8 years and I just got married and moved in together all at the same time just 3 months ago and we definitely value and respect each others alone time. So in those terms its very healthy! However when I’m alone I usually end up binging some show on Netflix… and pushing aside anything I wanted to do in my alone time. I lack self discipline and time management in my alone time. I often fantasize on how I’ll spend my alone time which is 2 hours most evening after work but once the telly goes on… all of those dreams and ambitions for the evening are down the drain.

It’s also that sometimes I feel like my alone time wasn’t quality enough because maybe a thing or two in the space is out of its place and like previously mentioned I’ve romanticized this idea of spending time alone in a perfect room, with a perfect candle and a book in my lap.. so I guess all in all it’s tricky? I hope that this makes sense!


Namra :)

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I had a great alone time evening yesterday - one of those romanticized one where I read by candle light. I also called my parents, did laundry and ate canned soup, so I guess it was a good mix of the pragmatic and the romantic.

I definitely need more alone time since starting a new job as a physician where I talk to people all day. So it works out well that my partner is often out on Tuesday night and I can recharge by myself.

I haven’t struggled with alone time in a while, and I think that is due to introvert tendencies and the fact that I’m in a stable relationship and can also rely on my friendships and family - so I know I’m alone by choice and can fully enjoy it.

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