As Gloria Steinem wrote, 'Self esteem isn't everything; it's just that there's nothing without it.' My best advice on building yours, plus the books, podcasts & practices that can help.
Thank you for such an honest and thoughtful piece. I agreed that confidence is something that needs to be consistently cultivated. And I love your prompts, I’ll be taking them into a writers hour soon. Thank you for the recommendations too!
Never have I wished for a highlight feature so badly! I also wonder how confidence and fear play into each other, I’ve always thought I was full of fears but now I can see a nice mix of low confidence in there too. Excited to dive into some of the suggested readings!
For me it’s things like film photography, which gets me out of my head and seeing the results a few weeks later is always a boost (if they’re in focus!). Skincare too is always a big confidence booster, and then another thing that’s important to me is learning something new - being curious, soaking up knowledge, trying something out.
That’s such a great hobby to have (film photography)! And that’s lovely, not to sound 102 but learning does seem to be a great way to make life seem infinite as well as to keep gaining confidence.
“Inspiration may be a form of superconsciousness, or perhaps of subconsciousness-I wouldn't know. But I am sure it is the antithesis of self-consciousness.”
Oh I loved this. Francesca, you are such a good writer. You write with confidence and humility and it’s a joy to read. I’m reading this listening to birdsong and drinking coffee on my day off in a little town in Texas. Confidence to me is feeling rested and thriving in my routine, free to be myself in my best thrifted outfit on a good hair day. That’s this week anyway! Gracias por compartir ✨
Estoy disfrutando el español, Maryssa! That’s so kind of you to say - thank you. Your day off sounds perfect and gives me serious wanderlust. ‘Thriving in routine’ - that’s so neatly put and I relate entirely. Oh I need your thrifting tips (and love that it brings you such joy) - and I’d love to hear more, what is it about buying secondhand that you particularly enjoy? I’m a new convert... currently in a beautiful £5 blazer worth £70 from Massimo Dutti!
I love starting with button ups at thrift stores! It's surprisingly easy to find good button ups made from linen/100% cotton for $5 and under here at my local thrifts. I then always go to glassware/stemware and find treasures there. I'm curvy so I struggle with denim but the denim is the next place I would go in a typical thrift to try my luck! I always end at the tshirts and dresses and do a quick scan for some vintage tees/dresses. I read about "contagion magic" the other day and I love to think of that term when thrifting. Also, manifesting is REAL when it comes to second hand shops. One time I was dreaming of a sunshine yellow armchair and found the most beautiful one at a thrift. I grew up in an antique shop so it's just so special to me.
Very good piece. For years I have suffered (not the best word I know) from low self-esteem which has now become zero self-esteem. I've stopped thinking about 'doing the things I love' fishing, golf, pub suppers etc) because they are not possible now. So I do still try to do small things each day and yes I do have a list on my phone! It's a vicious circle though and I'm in retreat from friends until I can feel up to, well, being friendly again! But you're right it's certainly small steps. Thank you for the very good read..
Thanks for sharing, Adam, and I'm sorry things are hard at the moment – I'm sure you know this already, but it won't always be this way - and it sounds like you're taking the right steps (the phone list is inspired! I'll be keeping it up). Really glad to hear the piece resonated – and I hope you're soon back to the fishing, golf and pub suppers!
Thank you Francesca, so much of the resonates with me. You comment about actions and repeating is so true in relation to so many aspects of our lives. But I am the world’s worst procrastinator and that is something I need to beat
I think there is often a myth that as you grow older you confidence and self esteem grow, and maybe tails off a bit as you get ‘old’. I wish it was so easy. The one thing have learnt is that often the most confident people on the outside are not on the inside.
When I am most confident? That’s a difficult one, I do recognise when my ‘professional’ mask switches on, it is almost like a costume that makes me feel different, I know about what I am talking about, even if now I’ve retired. I also feel confident talking with people I trust, they are all very different.
Hi Jo! Great to hear from you. Oh I'm so sympathetic about procrastination – I'm sure you're being hard on yourself, but we do it for all sorts of reasons, don't we? Sharing personally, I've had such a brain fog week as well... I always wonder what's behind it, for me it's generally being over-ambitious with my time, and/or a fear of the actual task (which I realise much too late...!). Maybe one for a future newsletter! Thanks for sharing that perspective about ageing and confidence. I imagine learnt to spot false confidence is a really worthy lesson, too.
Thank you for such an honest and thoughtful piece. I agreed that confidence is something that needs to be consistently cultivated. And I love your prompts, I’ll be taking them into a writers hour soon. Thank you for the recommendations too!
Never have I wished for a highlight feature so badly! I also wonder how confidence and fear play into each other, I’ve always thought I was full of fears but now I can see a nice mix of low confidence in there too. Excited to dive into some of the suggested readings!
Thank you! Oo I can’t stop thinking about that question of fear and confidence… so interesting.
Loved this - great advice, especially the confidence list! Started scribbling mine down immediately and even the act of doing so was a little boost 🔥
Thank you, Caitlin. Oh I’m so glad that a confidence list is working well for you - curious about what’s on your list!
For me it’s things like film photography, which gets me out of my head and seeing the results a few weeks later is always a boost (if they’re in focus!). Skincare too is always a big confidence booster, and then another thing that’s important to me is learning something new - being curious, soaking up knowledge, trying something out.
That’s such a great hobby to have (film photography)! And that’s lovely, not to sound 102 but learning does seem to be a great way to make life seem infinite as well as to keep gaining confidence.
“Inspiration may be a form of superconsciousness, or perhaps of subconsciousness-I wouldn't know. But I am sure it is the antithesis of self-consciousness.”
Aaron Copland
Oh I loved this. Francesca, you are such a good writer. You write with confidence and humility and it’s a joy to read. I’m reading this listening to birdsong and drinking coffee on my day off in a little town in Texas. Confidence to me is feeling rested and thriving in my routine, free to be myself in my best thrifted outfit on a good hair day. That’s this week anyway! Gracias por compartir ✨
Estoy disfrutando el español, Maryssa! That’s so kind of you to say - thank you. Your day off sounds perfect and gives me serious wanderlust. ‘Thriving in routine’ - that’s so neatly put and I relate entirely. Oh I need your thrifting tips (and love that it brings you such joy) - and I’d love to hear more, what is it about buying secondhand that you particularly enjoy? I’m a new convert... currently in a beautiful £5 blazer worth £70 from Massimo Dutti!
I love starting with button ups at thrift stores! It's surprisingly easy to find good button ups made from linen/100% cotton for $5 and under here at my local thrifts. I then always go to glassware/stemware and find treasures there. I'm curvy so I struggle with denim but the denim is the next place I would go in a typical thrift to try my luck! I always end at the tshirts and dresses and do a quick scan for some vintage tees/dresses. I read about "contagion magic" the other day and I love to think of that term when thrifting. Also, manifesting is REAL when it comes to second hand shops. One time I was dreaming of a sunshine yellow armchair and found the most beautiful one at a thrift. I grew up in an antique shop so it's just so special to me.
Very good piece. For years I have suffered (not the best word I know) from low self-esteem which has now become zero self-esteem. I've stopped thinking about 'doing the things I love' fishing, golf, pub suppers etc) because they are not possible now. So I do still try to do small things each day and yes I do have a list on my phone! It's a vicious circle though and I'm in retreat from friends until I can feel up to, well, being friendly again! But you're right it's certainly small steps. Thank you for the very good read..
Thanks for sharing, Adam, and I'm sorry things are hard at the moment – I'm sure you know this already, but it won't always be this way - and it sounds like you're taking the right steps (the phone list is inspired! I'll be keeping it up). Really glad to hear the piece resonated – and I hope you're soon back to the fishing, golf and pub suppers!
Such an interesting topic and great tips- thank you
Hi Sian! Oh thanks - so glad to hear you enjoyed reading!
Thank you Francesca, so much of the resonates with me. You comment about actions and repeating is so true in relation to so many aspects of our lives. But I am the world’s worst procrastinator and that is something I need to beat
I think there is often a myth that as you grow older you confidence and self esteem grow, and maybe tails off a bit as you get ‘old’. I wish it was so easy. The one thing have learnt is that often the most confident people on the outside are not on the inside.
When I am most confident? That’s a difficult one, I do recognise when my ‘professional’ mask switches on, it is almost like a costume that makes me feel different, I know about what I am talking about, even if now I’ve retired. I also feel confident talking with people I trust, they are all very different.
Hi Jo! Great to hear from you. Oh I'm so sympathetic about procrastination – I'm sure you're being hard on yourself, but we do it for all sorts of reasons, don't we? Sharing personally, I've had such a brain fog week as well... I always wonder what's behind it, for me it's generally being over-ambitious with my time, and/or a fear of the actual task (which I realise much too late...!). Maybe one for a future newsletter! Thanks for sharing that perspective about ageing and confidence. I imagine learnt to spot false confidence is a really worthy lesson, too.