Today, Monday 9th January, is the first working Monday of the year – a time known as ‘Divorce Day’ in legal circles, owing to an annual spike in divorce enquiries (typically attributed to the pressure of Christmas compounding marital tensions, and/or a ’New Year/New You’ mentality).
Winter is also a common time for couples (married or otherwise) to split up: some sources cite December as ‘break-up season’, others deem it more likely around February.
This week for the newsletter, I’m exploring our cultural narratives around splitting up. Break-ups are a funny phenomenon from a ‘Shoulds’ perspective, because they’re broadly speaking an anti-Should (a taboo, a tragedy, a fear) in a society that prizes romantic relationships extremely highly.
My mother’s best break-up advice? ‘Make sure you’re drinking lots of water.’
And yet, they happen. Unless you marry a high-school partner or remain single for life, then almost all of us have been there, making break-ups an adult (or teenage) life experience where we can uniquely support each other and empathise. There’s something nice about that communality. No matter how much time has passed, who doesn’t remember the pain of a break-up – and who wouldn’t try their hardest to console someone they love going through that confusing (often dark, scary) time?
Ahead of our usual weekly issue for paid subscribers (you can upgrade your subscription here, if you haven’t already, to make sure you receive the full thing), coming your way this Thursday, I wanted to ask you: what’s the best advice you’ve ever received following the breakdown of a relationship?
Mine comes courtesy of my mother, who studied Nutrition while I was growing up, and whose consequential ‘You are what you eat’ philosophy sneaks its way into the most unexpected of contexts.
‘Make sure you’re drinking lots of water,’ she told me in December 2018, the month after I broke up with the man I thought I’d marry. Why?
‘Crying dehydrates you, and makes you feel even worse.’
Obviously, I rolled my – gritty, red, sodden – eyes at the time, with a rationale that was something like, So what if I’m a shrivelled-up raisin, I’m heartbroken! And yet, annoyingly (because it takes a maturer person than I to accept advice from a parent at face value), she was right. Staying hydrated is one of the most practical, and scientifically-proven*, courses of action you can take after a break-up, or really after anything that makes you cry a lot.
Over the years, I’ve passed the same wisdom on to close friends. And one day, if I have to go through heartbreak again (statistically, it’s likely), I’m at least hopeful it could lead to a lucrative Evian sponsorship deal.
*The geeky bit: while crying is cathartic in the moment, dehydration disrupts your body’s production of feel-good hormone serotonin, together with contributing to anxiety due to metabolic reasons. Also, fine, from a purely aesthetic perspective, the shrivelled-up raisin aesthetic is never a good look – especially if you’re at any risk of bumping into your ex.
Here’s what I’d love to know from you in the comments section below (no need to answer all these questions, but do consider the below as jumping-off points to get the ball rolling):
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received after a break-up?
What advice would you give a friend going through a break-up right now?
Have you ever felt the pressure of ‘Shoulds’ around a break-up, and if so what form did that take (e.g. I ‘should’ break up with a partner before moving abroad/going to university, I ‘shouldn’t’ break up with my other half because all my friends are coupled-up right now?)
Have you ever felt pressure for your break-up to be a certain way e.g. to ‘consciously-uncouple’ in a friction-free way like Gwyneth Paltrow, or alternatively to break all contact with your ex when you’d actually prefer to stay friends?
Share your thoughts in the comments section below– let’s get a discussion going…
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Open thread: What's the best break-up advice you've ever been given?
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Today, Monday 9th January, is the first working Monday of the year – a time known as ‘Divorce Day’ in legal circles, owing to an annual spike in divorce enquiries (typically attributed to the pressure of Christmas compounding marital tensions, and/or a ’New Year/New You’ mentality).
Winter is also a common time for couples (married or otherwise) to split up: some sources cite December as ‘break-up season’, others deem it more likely around February.
This week for the newsletter, I’m exploring our cultural narratives around splitting up. Break-ups are a funny phenomenon from a ‘Shoulds’ perspective, because they’re broadly speaking an anti-Should (a taboo, a tragedy, a fear) in a society that prizes romantic relationships extremely highly.
My mother’s best break-up advice? ‘Make sure you’re drinking lots of water.’
And yet, they happen. Unless you marry a high-school partner or remain single for life, then almost all of us have been there, making break-ups an adult (or teenage) life experience where we can uniquely support each other and empathise. There’s something nice about that communality. No matter how much time has passed, who doesn’t remember the pain of a break-up – and who wouldn’t try their hardest to console someone they love going through that confusing (often dark, scary) time?
Ahead of our usual weekly issue for paid subscribers (you can upgrade your subscription here, if you haven’t already, to make sure you receive the full thing), coming your way this Thursday, I wanted to ask you: what’s the best advice you’ve ever received following the breakdown of a relationship?
Mine comes courtesy of my mother, who studied Nutrition while I was growing up, and whose consequential ‘You are what you eat’ philosophy sneaks its way into the most unexpected of contexts.
‘Make sure you’re drinking lots of water,’ she told me in December 2018, the month after I broke up with the man I thought I’d marry. Why?
Obviously, I rolled my – gritty, red, sodden – eyes at the time, with a rationale that was something like, So what if I’m a shrivelled-up raisin, I’m heartbroken! And yet, annoyingly (because it takes a maturer person than I to accept advice from a parent at face value), she was right. Staying hydrated is one of the most practical, and scientifically-proven*, courses of action you can take after a break-up, or really after anything that makes you cry a lot.
Over the years, I’ve passed the same wisdom on to close friends. And one day, if I have to go through heartbreak again (statistically, it’s likely), I’m at least hopeful it could lead to a lucrative Evian sponsorship deal.
*The geeky bit: while crying is cathartic in the moment, dehydration disrupts your body’s production of feel-good hormone serotonin, together with contributing to anxiety due to metabolic reasons. Also, fine, from a purely aesthetic perspective, the shrivelled-up raisin aesthetic is never a good look – especially if you’re at any risk of bumping into your ex.
Here’s what I’d love to know from you in the comments section below (no need to answer all these questions, but do consider the below as jumping-off points to get the ball rolling):
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received after a break-up?
What advice would you give a friend going through a break-up right now?
Have you ever felt the pressure of ‘Shoulds’ around a break-up, and if so what form did that take (e.g. I ‘should’ break up with a partner before moving abroad/going to university, I ‘shouldn’t’ break up with my other half because all my friends are coupled-up right now?)
Have you ever felt pressure for your break-up to be a certain way e.g. to ‘consciously-uncouple’ in a friction-free way like Gwyneth Paltrow, or alternatively to break all contact with your ex when you’d actually prefer to stay friends?
Share your thoughts in the comments section below – let’s get a discussion going…