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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Francesca Specter

Very interesting and great ideas. I wonder what the split is of people lying about weekend plans between (a) wanting to sound more interesting/active and (b) wanting to get out of doing something they don't fancy doing ("oh, sorry, I can't make that as I have plans already"). I've definitely done (b)!

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Hi Alasdair. Glad you enjoyed. Ah who know, but I’m sure you’re identifying one of the big reasons - what an interesting thought... and how very British to white-lie preemptively...!

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Great piece. I love my gym classes on a Saturday and Sunday morning at 9am. Not just for the exercise more that I get to hang out with a varied and lovely bunch of people. Sometimes we go for coffee after, sometimes not, but I know that if I don't see anyone else that day I will have had my human fix.

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Great you’ve graduated to post class coffee too!

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Hi Ruth... oh I love that you do the same thing... returning those regular classes at the same time does make such a difference - and I enjoy how you’ve termed it, ‘human fix’ - that’s exactly it! And the side benefit of getting fit... fantastic!

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Really identified with this post 😊

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Aw thanks Sian, so glad to hear it resonated x

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Francesca Specter

I think underlining this piece is something I’ve always thought about living in London - everyone is just so busy doing their own thing particularly, as you say, once you hit your 30s. London’s geography alone makes it a huge effort to get everyone together, it certainly ain’t happening spontaneously. I’m from the North-West originally where I was accustomed to friends, neighbours, family just popping in, unannounced, on the way past. My southern friends balk at this idea! My sister lives in Spain and her life is centred around community, there is an ex-pat solidarity, sometimes I envy this. I love london’s anonymity, privacy and there is always something to do here, but I know personally that living in this city has made me a more closed off person and I hate to admit that!

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Hi Abi! Thanks so much for sharing. I'm also from the North-West (lived in Liverpool until I was a teenager!) and definitely recall noticing the difference when my family moved, e.g. the phrase 'we must meet up' never quite had the same literality. So I completely understand the struggle (of loving this city, but missing that straightforwardness and simplicity). The geography definitely makes things tough, I agree... as great as the transport is, I can't think there are many cities that it takes 90 minutes plus to traverse?!

That's super interesting about your sister, too – ex-pat solidarity is such a thing (the downside perhaps is more transient relationships as people come/go, but still – that community sense is a great mindset to have, and one I'm sure trying to recreate back here in London).

The chronic (but worthy) challenge... to bring that northern/expat energy here!

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Nov 9, 2023Liked by Francesca Specter

There's nothing more joyful than coming across another Northerner in London! Loving The Shoulds and in the name of bringing northern/expat energy to substack, I've added it to my recommendations on Slice of Pie :)

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Gosh Francesca... this really feels like a crystal ball for me. My partner and I (both early thirties) have been living abroad for the last 3ish years but are planning on coming back to England more permanently next year. Our current weekend routine is very similar to the one you had in Spain (except with Vietnamese beers and grilled oysters instead of a happy hour), and I’d been feeling some low-key anxiety about how that will change when we come back. It’s really reassuring to see someone further ahead in the transition and that spontaneous plans can still be possible!

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Hi Holly! Vietnamese beers and grilled oysters... that sounds divine - what a great way to live! I hope you can bring that spirit back here, I bet friends will queuing up to share. It just takes one (or two for you and your partner!) to bring that energy back - looking forward to hearing how you get on with the return.

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