Mimetic desire, or why you actually want the things you want 👯‍♀️

In the words of Gloria Steinem, the truth will set you free – but first it will p*ss you off.

Most of us cling to certain core beliefs about ourselves, the kind of thing you’d roll out first if you were filling in one of those therapy worksheets on self-love, or were asked to name a ‘strength’ during a job interview.

One of mine, a vain one I’ll admit, is that I’m an independent thinker. I’m not deliberately contrary – I’ll happily declare my love for brunch, Barrecore & Britney Spears’ back catalogue. But I’ve always backed myself to know my own mind, from the curated playlists I put on when my friends come over for pasta, to my present nail art (pale pink with a navy blob near each cuticle) which, as far as I’m aware, has never graced the digits of a Kardashian. I know what I don’t like (skiing holidays; ice skating; action films; fussy, brain-addling 9-course tasting menus) and what I do (most yellow things; nice crockery; Vinyasa yoga; dressing in block colours; medium-sized glasses of Montepulciano; the vegan porridge at Morrisons’ hot counter). Living by myself for the past four years has reinforced my resolve to lead a life that feels like my own – as has not having set foot in an office environment since February 2020.

Except, recently I stumbled upon a theory that suggests I’m not as free-thinking as I think. And it almost certainly applies to you, too.

Mimetic desire theory – and why our ‘wants’ aren’t really our own