Issue #42: Dealing with the fear that it might not work out

In creativity, and in love, it’s hard to accept that it might all melt away to nothing. But maybe we can learn something from sandcastles.

Some journalists have their fingers firmly on the pulse. I’ve often yearned to be one of those savvy hacks who only have to catch the first whiff of a trending news story before they’ve formulated their hot take, filing their copy before 9am and discussing it on breakfast television the next day. Meanwhile… well, I’ve only just listened to Beyonce’s critically-acclaimed album, Lemonade – which came out seven years ago. It’s one track, in particular, that grabs me: a ballad titled ‘Sandcastles’.

The song was written about a break-up. Not Beyonce’s (the album, a response to Jay-Z’s reported infidelity, chronicles the married couple’s reconciliation), but that of songwriter Vincent Berry II, who wrote the lyrics after the ending of his decade-long relationship with his girlfriend. We built sandcastles that washed away, goes the opening line, the delicate minor chords melting into each other like water. It’s a lament for all that gets lost when a relationship ends: the private jokes; the hopes and dreams; The Two Together railcard, all washing away into the ocean of nothingness. 

It’s the same challenge with dating, too – at least, it is with the fantasies you build up in your head. Those spells of early infatuation when, despite your best instincts, you dream up mental sandcastles cobbled together from the potential of what someone could be, of what you could be as a couple. You imagine the home, or the geography of your shared lives together. Whether they will get along with your friends and family. And when, for whatever reason, that falls apart – the slow erosion of hope amid unanswered texts or misaligned needs – it’s like it all melts away, a useless sunk cost. All that effort, dissolving into nothing. It becomes harder, over time, to enjoy the building process – the tentative creation of something, the excitement of not knowing what it might look like yet.