Issue #16: Instagram is giving me The Ick

See also: the WhatsApp 'last seen' feature. Plus, advice & resources to make social media more, well, sociable.

What fresh hell is this, was my response when opening up my Instagram app last week to see the roll-out of its newest ‘sharing feature’, Notes.

This isn’t technophobia. At least, I hope it’s not. Having not so long ago entered a new decade, I’m clinging on for dear life to my hip young gunslinger status. It’s bad enough that I don’t have a TikTok account – I’m not about to start complaining that I don’t know how Instagram works, either.

Why, then, did this random feature give me The Ick? Maybe it’s because each new social media ‘update’ presents another hoop to jump through, and in this case it’s one too many. It’s a set of rules I don’t understand; an etiquette code that’s still in its infancy. Sure, I could wrap my head around it. But do I want to? Not really.

Notes are short posts of up to 60 characters using just text and emojis. To leave a note, go to the top of your inbox, select the followers you follow back or people on your Close Friends list, and your note will appear at the top of their inbox for 24 hours. Replies to notes will arrive as DMs in your inbox.

We’re not all early adopters; it took years (and a pandemic) for users to accept Instagram’s shift to video, for instance – and many of us still refuse to create them ourselves. Yet, as more and more people jump on board, a popular social media feature feels like a Should. I get FOMO – in the same way I did once upon a time when school friends first joined Facebook; when my journalist cohort got their first blue ticks on Twitter; when acquaintances started sharing their lives on Instagram Stories. It already feels rude not to ‘react’ to someone’s message with a double-tapped heart emoji (a relatively new function across messaging apps). Whereas, once upon a time, ‘See you later’ would have spoken for itself – we wouldn’t have felt the need to stare at our screens, dead-eyed, until it was acknowledged, or ‘Seen’.

Change can be positive – and some of these updates are genuinely helpful for developing a healthier relationship with social media (see my recommendations below in The Coulds). But, for the most part, they feel unnecessary; another scheme to suck us in and keep us more addicted, or to compete with other social mediums for our attention (for instance, Instagram’s continued attempts to copycat the BeReal app).

Even looking at this gives me anxiety.

Some other social media features that give me ‘The Ick’

• The ‘Online’ status on WhatsApp

• ‘Seen by’ on Instagram Stories – is this the single most narcissism-inducing feature built into social media? Let’s discuss…

• Hashtags

• The algorithmically-rewarded ‘dancing and pointing to stuff’ thing on TikTok/Instagram

• Facebook Pokes (remember these? Still a thing, although buried deep inside the Facebook ecosystem)

• LinkedIn, full stop.

• WhatsApp statuses. Why? Just why?

In an ideal world, social media would be what it says on the tin; a platform for being social. In reality, it feels like we’re all frantically trying to work out how it works; or how to make it work for us. And giving up a tenth of our precious hours on this planet (the 2.45 hours a day we spend on social media, on average) in the process.

I could just opt out. It’s no coincidence that some of the most creative, well-rounded, interesting & interested people I know are barely on social media, if at all. Lest we forget that Queen of the Universe Michaela Coel isn’t on Instagram. Nor was the actual Queen (RIP). Transparently, I don’t feel it’s a flex I’ve earned at this still-nascent stage of my career, which involves sharing projects like books, my podcast and most recently this newsletter. While I don’t have an official job description, if I did, I’m pretty sure ‘having an online social presence’ would be on there. Besides, social media is what first connected me with many of you – and for that reason it’s more than worth staying on it.

• Do you use social media? If so, which platforms?

• How would you describe your relationship with social media?

• What are the positives – and negatives – of using it?

• Do you help others set limits on their social media use (e.g. friends, a partner, children)? How do you manage that?

While somewhere over the rainbow there’s a blissful, social media free existence (with nurturing, offline connections of all kinds to compensate) – and I admire anyone who’s got there – here in Kansas most of us (84.3% in the UK) continue to log on almost daily.

So how to make it less…ick-y?

The Coulds

Advice to stop social media driving you (too) crazy