Issue #11: Are break-ups contagious?

Plus, three steps to shorten the heartbreak process, and a fresh look at conscious uncoupling.

Break-ups, best served with a hefty slice of Victoria sponge.

We’re in break-up season, folks. Not that heartbreak’s ever exactly been in vogue; this isn’t the time to leave your partner of 12 years in a bid to keep up with the Joneses, nor to call off that ‘thing that could be a thing’ with Jason, 36, from Hinge. But it is more likely, statistically, that you or someone close to you is going through a break up right now. The beginning of this week saw ‘Divorce Day’ (the first Monday of the calendar year, which is typically said to see the highest spike in separation enquiries according to family lawyers), while we’re bang in the middle of two popular times to break up: the pre-Christmas rush and post-Valentine’s Day. For better or for worse.

Relationships end all year round, of course. Nor is it typically clear-cut when that ending formally occurs – many couples entertain the idea of an ill-fated Ross & Rachel ‘break’ before splitting up altogether, while in one study of adults aged 18-29, half the participants reported having stayed in an unhappy relationship because they didn’t know how to navigate splitting up (I can only presume this delaying is more common among older adults, who are more likely to be married and/or to share children).

My break-ups have occurred – unfashionably – in mid-November. I’m not sure what it is, deep down in my heart, that makes me choose long, loveless winters over cuffing season (that is, when it is my choice – I’ve done my time on both sides of the Dumpee/Dumper fence), but with hindsight I congratulate Past Me on making some brave decisions, and like anyone who’s been there, I hold a lot of compassion for anyone navigating the same dilemmas right now.

This week, I’m looking at the ‘Shoulds’ around breaking up: How do we decide whether we should, or shouldn’t, end a relationship? How much more likely are we to end a relationship if our friends, colleagues or siblings end theirs? Plus, are break-ups the ultimate Anti-Should?

Should I break up with my partner?