Issue #80: How an alternative dating app went mainstream

And what it says about fatigued online daters.

Something low-level hilarious is happening in Single People Land. Turned off by the hellscape of traditional dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, Tinder et. al, disheartened users are turning with hope to a relative newcomer on the scene: Feeld, the ‘alternative’ dating app.

A little history: Feeld first came into existence under the name ‘3nder’, and was conceived as an app for singles or couples wanting to facilitate a ménage à trois: Tinder for threesomes! Which was a great what-it-says-on-the-tin name for a niche offering, until they got sued by Tinder in 2016. The app then underwent a pretty major (emergency) brand evolution the same year, becoming Feeld. Feeld was still associated, to lesser and larger degrees, with its more salacious origins. But it shifted, gradually, towards the mainstream. Too mainstream, some would argue. Its monthly user base has grown by 190% in the past three years.

Over the past year or so, Feeld has become, if not the most popular dating app, certainly the most wide-spanning in terms of its users. ‘Can dating apps be fun again?’ asked writer

Tiffany Philippou

in a recent newsletter, inspired by her first foray into the app. Is Feeld, like, a mainstream dating app now? queried US Cosmopolitan magazine. ‘Why all the interesting men are on kink apps – and not Bumble or Tinder’, wrote Lucy Holden for iNews. There are whole Reddit thread dedicated to themes such as: Why are so many vanilla/non-alternative people on Feeld?’, ‘Anyone notice a serious change in Feeld’s demographic?’

Which brings me to the hilarious part: everyone’s lumped in together in a mishmash, from the whips and chains brigade to the ‘Just looking for someone to watch movies with’ cohort. It serves as a positive litmus test, I suppose; if you were too painfully judgemental, you wouldn’t be seen dead on the app. Although, if I was an ethical-non-monogamist about town, I would be annoyed that the Squares infiltrated my safe space. Nothing epitomises it better than this meme, which I’ve seen circulated on Feeld and elsewhere.

The question remains, however: why is this exodus happening now? It’s easy to interpret this app’s rise and rise as a backlash: traditional dating apps got so bad, everyone turned to a kink app in protest. Or else, it’s an indication of a changing sexual landscape: monogamy is dead, and we’re all living in a Louis Theroux documentary. But I think there’s more to it than meets the eye.