The Shoulds by Francesca Specter

The Shoulds by Francesca Specter

Essays

Issue #57: The great flaking debate

For some, cancelling on plans is a friendship love language. For others, it's a deal-breaker.

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Francesca Specter
Dec 07, 2023
∙ Paid

When it comes to cancelled plans, we typically fall into one of two tribes. For the first, a text beginning ‘So sorry but I’m going to have to cancel…’ resembles an early Christmas present: guilt-free time! Freedom! So many wondrous possibilities! You could moonwalk around your flat naked; binge-watch the entirety of The Morning Show; file your tax return early and then have a white chocolate Magnum! Any number of euphoric highs might ensue, and all in the sweet, sweet knowledge that you are categorically Not To Blame.

For the other tribe? It ruins their weekend.

When I first started writing this piece, I assumed this was something of an overgeneralisation. But, after discussing ‘flaking’, as it’s come to be known since the Noughties, I was freshly surprised by how divisive this issue has become.

A colloquialism popularised by our north American cousins, flaking is defined as ‘fail[ing] to keep an appointment or fulfil a commitment, especially with little or no advance notice.’ Which, for some, is an understandable, everyday phenomenon, while others (the chronic flak-ees, perhaps) find it much trickier to justify.

‘No worries, let’s reschedule!’

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