Issue #83: Becoming the man I wanted to marry

Because love is only the answer in (whisper it) rom-coms.

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry, Gloria Steinem once declared in a keynote speech. It’s a mantra that was recently paraphrased, 20 years later, by a character in Riverside Studios’ latest production, Madwomen of the West: ‘As we grow older, we become the men we wanted to marry’ – and one I was reminded of when the cast did an interview on Woman’s Hour earlier this month.

It reminded me of a tendency that I think I’ve grown out of, and yet remains an integral part of me, like the broken paving stone in your front walkway that you know to avoid stepping on. That way I once dated the men I wanted to be. The crushes I’d get on men (boys, then) for qualities I secretly wanted to cultivate in myself: being well-read, or creative in some direction, or focused on an ambition. I wanted to be close to them– the closest – hoping to share in that greatness vicariously, perhaps absorb a fraction of it by osmosis.